in Los Angeles and Online
Being in a close relationship with another person is probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do.
As a human, you are hardwired for connection with others. It’s a survival strategy. Your operating system is designed to create deep, emotional attachment bonds with the most important people in your life so you stay alive. And when your primary attachment bond — your marriage, for example — is threatened in some way, it can send you spiraling into distress.
What does your distress spiral look like?
We can’t discuss anything without starting a fight
We used to be so in love but now I feel like we’re roommates
I discovered my partner’s been cheating on me for our entire relationship
My partner is always so clingy and demanding
Sex is a big issue
My partner is always so critical and distant
No matter what I do, I never get it right with them
My partner doesn’t talk about their feelings
They never take responsibility and always blame me
Our relationship has been traumatized by my partner’s addiction
Stop the negative cycles in your partnership so you feel more secure, safe and connected.
Maybe it feels like you’re the problem. If you could just learn to communicate better and stop talking in that tone of voice, everything would be fine. Maybe it feels like your partner is the problem. If they would just start doing what they agreed to do and stop making excuses, problems solved. If only you could both be different, you’d be happy. But what if nobody is a problem to be fixed? What if the negative cycle of emotional disconnection that you’re both swept up in, is the root of your pain?
Working together, we’ll explore the dynamic between you two: what makes you instinctively turn toward each other for comfort and reassurance, and what makes you turn away? I’ll help you identify and slow down your high-speed cycle of thoughts, emotions and actions that push your partner away when what you’re actually desperate for is closeness. You’ll practice how to reduce tension and conflict, become a better listener and open-heartedly enter into your partner’s experience.
Build and strengthen a secure bond by being available, responsive and emotionally engaged.
Heal your relationship from the trauma of betrayal, infidelity and addiction.
Have you or your partner cheated? Was it one time or multiple times? Maybe it involved real-life physical sex, maybe not. Maybe you participated in an online fantasy world of porn, hookup apps or sexting. Maybe they had an emotional affair. Did drugs or alcohol fuel it? Whatever your situation, if you’ve been secretly engaging in behaviors that fall outside the rules of your relationship and lying about it, then your actions may have traumatized your partner and your relationship.
Betrayal trauma is about a profound violation of trust. And without trust, there’s no safety. Engaging in hurtful behaviors damages your relationship. But secrets, lies and gaslighting will destroy it. After a discovery, many betrayed partners experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) such as panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, numbness, rage, shaking, hypervigilance, inability to focus or function. These are normal responses to an extraordinary life event, and it’s very important for the acting out partner (the betrayer) to understand this.
As a Certified Partner Trauma Therapist (CPTT) candidate, I’ll guide you both through the experience of relational healing. Together, we’ll work on getting honest, understanding trauma and triggers, improving communication, increasing empathy, managing the shame and moving toward healthy sexual reconnection. All you need to start repairing your relationship is a commitment to the process.
My approach is collaborative, compassionate and directive.
Areas of Couples Therapy I Specialize In:
Couples in Recovery from Sex or Porn Addiction
Couples in Recovery from Drug or Alcohol Addiction
Formal Therapeutic Disclosure
Sexual Arousal & Desire Issues
Increasing Emotional Intimacy
Parenting Issues
Pursuer/Distancer Dynamics
Anxious + Avoidant Attachment Styles
Empathy and Communication Skills
Alternative Relationship Styles
The Process of Uncoupling
